Mouth shut, eyes open

My mouth is what gets me into trouble.

I want to keep my eyes open. To stay alert, focused, and do my absolute best academically.

I realize just how alone I truly am.  What I feel about school, the city I live in, my extended family, expenses, everything must be censored.  I use to be able to talk with my mom and she would help me through anything and everything, but now I see that this is no longer a option.  Reality is that I can't tell her my true feels, concerns, and fears.  The truth...the only people I tell are my grandparents who died 8 years ago.  I speak to the dead because there is no one else to speak to.  Not speak, cry is more like it...I cry out to them or anyone hoping I feel better than before, hoping I don't feel empty. This hollow feeling makes me want to fill it it with something, anything...food.

I'm so stressed right now. I have so much to do but I feel so unmotivated to do anything.  As if there is any point to doing it in the first place.