Sunday, May 29, 2011

I disgust myself...binged

4 oranges
4 tangerines
7 pork baos
2 pieces of pizza
3 lemon tarts
13 individual packs of parmesan cheese goldfish
1chocolate caramel mini bar

yeah..fuck me and fuck my life

Monday, May 23, 2011


9:30pm...fuck I just ate soup -___-

Friday, May 13, 2011

wtf...finals, gain(ing) lbs, going insane

I have been gone... So school is not the greatest, and this term was the hardest for me to handle.

yeah finals are here for me... I have gained so much weight! This summer I am going to the gym like there is no tomorrow.  My weight is really stressing me out. I'm starting a strict diet for myself. I am trying to not get into my bulimic nightmare like before. I really want to do this a semi healthy way because vomiting is not the business.
My Plan:
drinking only water
raw foods as much as possible
nothing processed
no latte (this is big for me because I love the skinny vanilla lattes at starbucks)
If I drink coffee or go to a coffee shop, MUST BE BLACK no adding anything
No alcohol
No eating after 5pm

Friday, January 28, 2011

youth is dead

Everything must come to an end.  As if it happened in a second, I felt no youth in me. I was never carefree...nor was I easygoing.  It is almost unexplainable. As if the world laughed in my face, I lost my youth.  Nothing is ever easy but I'm choking on my own disgust for my body.  Trying to break away from excess that is constantly attached around my waist.  It is cold, I am drained, my youth is dead...

Friday, January 21, 2011

New year, new hopes, new motivations

It was an emotional dominated by the return to class after a month long break, waking up at 4a.m. to go to the gym, work, and being broke.
The highlight of my lame life over the winter break was going to a 30 Seconds to Mars concert (if you have never heard of them before, you should check them out) and the concert was mind blowing...I love Jared. I got to touch him because I was really close to the stage and he always walks on to the rail during the show to get closer to the fans.
Jared Leto (lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars)
But anyway, I also tried to stop my purging. Which worked for a week or so but I have started up again...nothing extreme like multiple times a day but usually in the evening when I get home from work or school.  Today, and right at this very moment, I am trying not to think about the Redvines that are down stairs which I really would like to eat.  I go to the gym as much as possible but it is really hard now because of my school and work. I am trying to get as much hours in as possible because I am going to Japan in April and everything there is so expensive.  I also would like to trim down before then too. I am starting to feel the stress pile on day by day. I also got a second job as a math tutor at my school on weekends. I haven't started yet but I hope that doesn't get too crazy.