I feel that even though I ate than purged, not all of it comes out and I still gain weight. I am five pounds heavier, but that is mostly because I have no been exercising and it has been really hard to purge. I normally take a three day break if it is taking too much energy to purge. So no purging for the next couple of days. But I really need to exercise so I have get that gym membership. It got really cold recently so that is why I haven't been running like I normally do. I could do a tons of crunches, lunges, and push-up but I don't like the feeling I get after (like I want to vomit but nothing comes out...) I am so big right now. I think this week I am going to try and live off only coffee, unless I get that membership and make it to the gym everyday. Finals are coming up too so I really need to study extra hard in my chemistry and economics classes.
It sucks you know...not being able to control yourself. Thinking about food when what you really want to be thinking about is more important things, like school work. But this thing won't let you, you're body forcing you to drift back to food so you become like me. Sitting in the library with my school laid out across the table and the only thing I can think about is food, or how my stomach is bulging or the almonds and cereal I ate this morning was about 200kcal total and that if I eat a pizza from the cafeteria it adds 250kcal etc.... What a sad person, pitiful. To make it clear, I DON'T WANT THIS. The cycle of binge purge binge purge is not fun, its down right hell. If I could wake up tomorrow and eat without thinking about purging it out the very next second I would be so happy. But it doesn't work that way, as long as it took to get me to the place I am at now, it will take just as much to get out...I just hope I can.