EPIC FAILURE!

Ate more than what was planned, and took a laxative. EPIC FAILURE! I also purged...great, this dumb fuck has absolutely no control over anything.  I suppose though that since my mother visited me this past weekend that that had impacted my choices.  When went out to eat a lot and I can't just not eat anything when I am with her.  She is sharp and would notice when I'm not eating.  But I also have reason to believe that she feels bad for me and wants me to feel better about myself.  Today she has her high school reunion and we went to Nordstroms so that she could get her make-up done at Chanel.  She bought me this really beautiful pink-ish lip stick when she was there. I also got a free sample of Chanel Chance perfume.  My mother is not skinny or slim by any means, she is a very solid woman, and is very confident.  Today she told me I shouldn't be so negative about my body. She is always telling me shit like that.  But no matter what she says, I still failed. 

My mother is such a strange woman when it comes to what she says.  Or rather she doesn't think when she speaks. We went to the nursing home that my great aunt lives in and visited with her.  My mother likes taking photos so before we left she wanted to take pictures.  Long story short, we look multiple pictures because she thought my arm looked too fat. I am given mixed messages from her all the time.  I remember the negative ones mostly.

Just a small anecdote to illustrate how I grew up.

Now I just have to start again...